Friday, November 14, 2008

When I was your age

"Granpa, have you seen the TV remote?"

"Is that the device I use to turn on the lights?"

"Yes, but it also controls the TV, opens the garage door, plays music, receives calls, flushes the toilet, and feeds the cat"

"You know back in my day, the TV remote did one thing only..and that's how we liked it.
We didn't have these fancy multi-tool gadgets around the house. We liked our coffees hot and our Snickers fried.

"The only regret I have from our generation is from those punks who used to wear their pants down to their knees, like a bunch of clowns. Then again, it was a time of ignorance and stupidity. Kids used to watch a really old movie called 'Pirates of the Caribbean' where Disney had convinced us that Pirates were the coolest people to ever roam the earth...having monkeys, and giant squids to do their bidding. Pirates weren't usually your typical Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom engaged in a sword fight...In fact, real piracy was more about living to near starvation and sleeping in filth. And without fridges, they can only eat whatever they could store for months in barrels. Often, they were eating in the dark, having to bang on the table to scare away bugs in their food. And after that delicious meal, a pirate's daily routine involved cleaning and maintaining the ship; The same tedious, repetitive back-breaking tasks day after day. Oh and lets not forget scurvy...See without vitamin C, scurvy was a common illness. Your teeth fall out, gums bleed, and upi have uncontrollable diarrhea. If your pirate buddies don't rush you to the nearest emergency room, you'll basically die shitting too much.
They never showed that part in the movies.

"What was I saying....AH yes!..Today's generation is spoiled..with their sonic xm3 music, and DTV signal. Growing up, we had analog TV signals with our aerial antenna, filling the room with a warm radiation feeling... not this fancy compicalted digital signal. Why would you ever want to replace the warm feeling of a continuous analog signal, with a stressful abruptly state changing signal, going back and forth 10101010101101010201010101....it's madness!"

"Mina, stop tormenting the poor child with your stories from a thousand years ago, he has to get ready for school"

"Bye Granpa!"

"Cute little lad, very dumb though...probably gets it from his father...
Damn when was the last time I took a shit. Last week maybe? Maybe I'll make myself some tea with chopped onions. I have to go down all those stairs...it'll take me all day before I get to the kitchen. You'd think they would have invented teleportation by now. Bunch of lazy scientist is what we got on our hands..

"Has anyone seen my Dr. Dre CD?...Where did I put my Dr. Dre CD?"

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